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mind. She would see how wellbred Englishwomen comport
themselves externally. It would be a lesson in decorum.
I do not despise convention. Indeed, I follow it up to the point
when it puts on the airs of revealed religion. My neighbours and
I decide on a certain code of manners which will enable us to
meet without mutual offence. I agree to put my handkerchief up
to my nose when I sneeze in his presence, and he contracts not to
wipe muddy boots on my sofa. I undertake not to shock his wife
by parading my hideous immorality before her eyes, and he binds
himself not to aggravate my celibacy by beating her or kissing
her when I am paying a call. I agree, by wearing an arbitrarily
fixed costume when I dine with him, to brand myself with the
stamp of a certain class of society, so that his guests shall
receive me without question, and he in return gives me a
wellordered dinner served with the minimum amount of inconvenience
to myself that his circumstances allow. Many folks make what they
are pleased to call unconventionality a mere cloak for selfish
disregard of the feelings and tastes of others. Bohemianism too
often means piggish sloth or slatternly ineptitude.
Convention is solely a matter of manners. That is why I desire
to instil some convention into what, for want of a more accurate
term, I may allude to as Carlotta's mind. It will save me much
trouble in the future.
I summoned Carlotta.
Carlotta, I said, I am going to take you to Hyde Park and show
you the English aristocracy wearing their best clothes and their
best behaviour. You must do the same.
My best clothes? cried Carlotta, her face lighting up.
Your very best. Make haste.
I smiled. She ran from the room and in an incredibly short time
reappeared unblushingly barenecked and barearmed in the evening
dress that had caused her such dismay on Saturday.
I jumped to my feet. There is no denying that she looked
amazingly beautiful. She looked, in fact, disconcertingly
beautiful. I found it hard to tell her to take the dress off
again.
Is it wrong? she asked Nvith a pucker of her baby lips.
Yes, indeed, said I. People would be shocked.
But on Saturday eveningshe began.
I know, my child, I interrupted. In society you are scarcely
respectable unless you go about half naked at night; but to do so
in the daytime would be the grossest indecency. I'll explain
some other time.
I shall never understand, said Carlotta.
Two great tears stood, one on each eyelid, and fell

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