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entertainment. I do not belong to her world of opulence, and if
even I desired it, which the gods forbid, my means would not
enable me to make the necessary display. My uncle, thinking to
retrieve the fallen fortunes of the title, amassed enormous
wealth as a company promoter, while I, on whom the title has
descended, am perfectly contented with its fallen fortunes. I
have scarcely a thought or taste in common with my aunt. In
fact, I must bore her exceedingly. Yet she hides her boredom
beneath a radiant countenance and leads me to understand that my
society gives her inexpressible joy. I wonder why.
She is always beguidephilosopherandfriending me. I resent
it. A man of forty does not need the counsels of an elderly woman
destitute of intellect. I believe there are some women who are
firmly convinced that their sheer sex has imbued them with all
the qualities of genius. Today my aunt tackled me on the
subject of marriage. I ought to marry. I asked why. It
appeared it was every man's duty.
From what point of view? I asked. The mere propagation of the
human race, or the providing of a superfluous young woman with a
means of livelihood? If it is the former, then, in my opinion,
there are too many people in the world already; and if the
latter, I'm afraid I'm not sufficiently altruistic.
You are so _funny!_ laughed my aunt.
I was not aware of being the least bit funny.
But, seriously, she continued, you _must_ marry. She is a
woman who has an irritating way of speaking in Italics. Are you
aware that if you have no son the title will become extinct?
And if it does, I cried, who on this earth will care a
halfpennybun?
I am growing tired of the title. At first it was rather amusing.
Now it appears it is registered in Heaven's chancery and hedged
about with divine ordinances. Only the other day an unknown
parson requested me to open a church bazaar, and I gathered he
had received his instructions direct from the Almighty.
Why, every one would care, exclaimed my aunt, genuinely
shocked. It would be monstrous. You owe it to your descendants
as well as to your ancestors. Besides, she added, with apparent
irrelevance, a man in your position ought to live up to it.
I do, said I, just up to it.
Now you are pretending you don't understand me. You ought to
marry money!
I smiled and shook my head. I don't think my aunt likes me to
smile and shake my head, for I saw a flicker in her eyes. No,

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